Photo Credit: Cecilia Bulzomi
These fish were the lucky survivors.
By Eric Anderson, Mike Owen, and Cecilia Bulzomi
February 7, 2010
Filed under Entertainment
Quite recently, some fish have died in the watery depths of the fish tank at Spotsylvania High School. Although, at first glance, nothing devious could be found about the fishes demise, a deeper look proves to be alarming. “Coincidentally”, a fish has died within one week of the other for the past month, two died over winter break, and more “incidents” are sure to come. The right of life for these poor, defenseless fish has been breached by the dark hand of sabotage.
To dig deeper into the mystery, Mrs. Birckhead agreed to answer a few of our questions. She mentioned throughout the interview that she should not be a suspect; rather her name should be crossed off because she was the “fish-caretaker.” She noted that the fish were fed twice daily, the tank was cleaned every three months and assured us that the school cat population was in full check. The oddest thing we learned from the interview was the deadly amount of trash and objects found inside of the fish tanks.
In pursuit of justice, a narrowed list was made of only three possible suspects: the custodians, whom were responsible for the maintenance of the tank; the Webbs, who know more about the fish than anybody; and our own Mr. Russell Davis, who is the only person in the school with unlimited access to the fish.
First on our list: the custodians. However, through basic questioning, it was ironically found that they had “conveniently” been given off time during the break, which is contrary to their usual schedules.
Darn, our first suspects were a no-go; it was time to pin it on the Webbs. Mr. and Mrs. Webb were adamant about their innocence, even pegging some blame upon our third and final suspect.
“Somebody at the top is responsible for sure,” said the Mr. Webb. Furthermore, Mrs. Webb found it, “kind of suspicious that Mr. Davis conveniently gave off time to custodians, depriving the fish of essential care and in all likelihood bestowed upon them a slow and agonizing death.”
The final domino was toppled, and it became obvious who the real culprit was: Mr. Rusty Davis. Despite numerous attempts, no interview ever came to fruition with the burdened principal.
Yet the fact remained, the culprit needed to be brought to justice for his crimes against the fish. The sentiment has been shared throughout the office, classrooms, and the entire school itself.
Even though no formal arrests have been made, ongoing efforts are underway to finally solve this crime against fishkind. With no true closure, how will the surviving fish be able to continue their lives? How will they swim, eat, and poop in relative comfort? And how will they dry their tears (despite being underwater?) Only time will tell.
Editor’s Note: This story is for entertainment purposes only.
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