Hilar-O-Scopes

Cecilia Bulzomi & Mike Owen
February 28, 2010
Filed under Entertainment

Capricorn- You always aspired to have money to blow, and as of now, that’s a huge no-go. Not only will you have not a dollar to your name, but you might be finding yourself having some serious issues with your pork and beans supply. Looks like dirt could be part of your diet if you don’t shape up soon.

Aquarius- Recently, you’ve surrounded yourself with some new people who you thought were good influences. Looks like you’ve got some flawed judgment, because those same friends will be taking your money, and selling your dog. Good luck with your new BFF’s…should have gotten insurance on those friendship bracelets.

Pisces- You always love to make people smile, and have others do the same for you. However, everyone else will be doing the smiling…when they’re laughing at all the humiliation you’ve gone through after trying to surprise your crush. Nice one. Maybe living under a rock should be seriously considered?

Scorpio-You will have the good fortune of being selected for a new program the Government has implemented…for population control. You are going to be deported to Antarctica within the hour. Hey, I didn’t say it was your good fortune. Now the polar bears won’t go hungry.

Gemini- As a high school student you’ve always wanted to make a name for yourself. Sadly you didn’t anticipate what kind you would receive. Don’t worry, people will forget about “The Incident” … eventually.

Leo- Keep a look out for “The One” this month. You know who I’m talking about, the person who keeps staring at you; you see them everywhere and all the time, it seems. Watch out though, because it seems “The One” who is on to you right now is Deputy Somers.

Sagittarius- Be very aware of your teachers, they may be plotting something big, VERY big, and it all will be at your expense.

Libra- Ever heard of Murphy’s Law? It’s the story of your life.

Aries- Have you ever seen the movie Predator? You are the soldiers, and Cheeks is the predator. Run!

Cancer- You always seem to expect the worst, But NO amount of preparation will make you ready for the evil that will be unleashed upon you…soon.

Taurus- Like the movie The Hangover? Then your life will have an unexpected trip but be careful and don’t go too crazy.

Virgo- Stuff happens. Get over it.